Today
So a couple of people seem to actually read this blog and have been like "oh wow you sound really depressed... :-(" Which is really really sweet but made me feel like I should post something that sounds less depressed. That's a little hard right now because I'm having another mostly down day. But hey, those are going to happen. Yesterday was a good day. And in a sort of meta-conscious way I quite enjoy observing my emotional/psychological states and swings and seeing how I deal with things and what works and what doesn't.
I'm tired of not feeling proud of myself for anything. I set vague goals for myself like eating better and going for walks and doing art and that kind of thing, and then I don't do those things, and just kind of shrug and think "oh well, I'm just lazy." Screw that. I'm going to eat better. I'm going to exercise four days a week: up and down the stairs of the temple by my house three times. I'm going to take care of the plants I bought, and buy more, so that the front of my house is bright and cheery and beautiful. I'm going to find a way to buy paints and canvases and paint things. I'm going to put more effort into my English board, and maybe even talk to Kuroda-sensei about giving me a little more free range with the first-years. I'm back to hoping someone falls in love with me, and maybe it will end up being Andrew, maybe it will be someone else, most likely I suppose it will be someone I haven't met yet, but in any case they're sure as hell not going to fall in love with me if I'm just sitting here in my (albeit very fluffy) bathrobe complaining to people online about how moody I am.
Starting today, not tomorrow, not next weekend, not as soon as my period ends (to much information? Sorry lol), not on 4/11 because it's a month after my birthday, not as soon as I find all 43 seveneights, not after I get caught up on the Daily Show, not on Tax Day, not on May 5th to honor the eighth anniversary of my grandfather's death...No, today, this starts today. So enough blogging; my rice is cooked and it's time to chop vegetables, have a bowl of rice, then go out to the ATM and to buy some more plants and a watering can and then I will arrange the new plants on my porch and water them all with some fertilizer and then I will go climb those steps a few times and then I will shower and wash my hair and take the time to dry it so that it doesn't stick out in funny ways, and then have a bowl of edamame and finish the vocab for this Japanese story. And then I will solve the remaining 32 seveneights. ^_^
No time for lyrics!
I'm tired of not feeling proud of myself for anything. I set vague goals for myself like eating better and going for walks and doing art and that kind of thing, and then I don't do those things, and just kind of shrug and think "oh well, I'm just lazy." Screw that. I'm going to eat better. I'm going to exercise four days a week: up and down the stairs of the temple by my house three times. I'm going to take care of the plants I bought, and buy more, so that the front of my house is bright and cheery and beautiful. I'm going to find a way to buy paints and canvases and paint things. I'm going to put more effort into my English board, and maybe even talk to Kuroda-sensei about giving me a little more free range with the first-years. I'm back to hoping someone falls in love with me, and maybe it will end up being Andrew, maybe it will be someone else, most likely I suppose it will be someone I haven't met yet, but in any case they're sure as hell not going to fall in love with me if I'm just sitting here in my (albeit very fluffy) bathrobe complaining to people online about how moody I am.
Starting today, not tomorrow, not next weekend, not as soon as my period ends (to much information? Sorry lol), not on 4/11 because it's a month after my birthday, not as soon as I find all 43 seveneights, not after I get caught up on the Daily Show, not on Tax Day, not on May 5th to honor the eighth anniversary of my grandfather's death...No, today, this starts today. So enough blogging; my rice is cooked and it's time to chop vegetables, have a bowl of rice, then go out to the ATM and to buy some more plants and a watering can and then I will arrange the new plants on my porch and water them all with some fertilizer and then I will go climb those steps a few times and then I will shower and wash my hair and take the time to dry it so that it doesn't stick out in funny ways, and then have a bowl of edamame and finish the vocab for this Japanese story. And then I will solve the remaining 32 seveneights. ^_^
No time for lyrics!
posted by Ashila at 4:15 AM
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