遅刻

So I was amused by the following exchange from my third-year class (at 二中) today, when one of the students arrived at around 9:00 for first period, which starts at 8:35 (and students are supposed to be at school by 8:00 at the latest I believe). Translated as best as I can remember from the Japanese:

Teacher: Oh, good morning. How come you're so late?

Student: Overslept.

T: Oh? When did you get up?

S: Uhh...get up? Well umm, I guess...uh...

T: Yeah, what time did you get out of bed?

S: Oh, get out of bed? About 8:30 I guess.

T: You slept all the way 'til 8:30?

S: Well...no, I woke up around 8:00.

T: ...But you stayed in bed until 8:30?

S: I mean, I figured, I'm gonna be late to school today in any case...

Heh heh, I like the way this kid thinks. ^_^

BUMP OF CHICKEN's take on waking up (I might have already posted this? But oh well):

あと　２回　寝返りしたら　試しに起きてみよう
あと　３回　寝返りしたら　今度こそ起きてやろう

説明

Okay, perhaps I should say, on the off chance that anyone actually reads this blog who isn't one of the people I routinely chat with: the post below this one is an exercise in incorporating a list of twenty nine-letter words into a story. I was not actually killed in an earthquake and condemned to an eternity of wandering the forests of Purgatory (where apparently they have internet service?). So please, do not be alarmed.

^_^

Purgatory

Running, running, I have to keep running, through these dark, dreary, misty trees, cutting my own path through the scattered clearings and long intervals of dense undergrowth. I am not the first to choose the Forest over the Fire. This forest collects us, those of us who fled from the awfulness of the heat, that heat that will purify and destroy you. Those of us who knew, somehow, through some prophetic instinct, that true Death would come when we stepped willingly into the flames. Heaven, ha! I saw their faces, those who came out of the Fire. I saw that calm, that emptiness. All personality, all life erased, cancelled, wiped out and replaced with nothing but vacant benevolence. So I ran. And ran. I must keep running, though I don't know why. I press my palm to the rough bark of a tree, pausing for just a moment, panting breathily into the dank air. My hand still tingles from hers and I close my eyes. Not everyone goes through the fire. Those whose souls haven't had time to stain are lifted straight up, bypassing the cleansing, the erasing. Will she still flash that same mischievous smile at the Angels? Or do they have a way of wiping her clean in a less heated fashion? Clenching my jaw, I stumble on. I held her hand the whole time, the whole time, I didn't let go once, not since Mom sent us to the restrooms before the long train ride home, not since we first heard the rumbling, felt the ground move, shift, lurch beneath us, the buildings betrayed by tectonics creaking and then crumbling, walls collapsing like we were under trebuchet siege; I didn't let go. Not through the shrieking, the pain and then darkness, such darkness, such silence. And then the light, faint, misty light, as we all blinked at each other, dazed, while they herded us onto giant ships reserved for a cataclysm like this. I held her hand as we squeezed through the crowds looking for Mom, and as we stood on the deck of the ship staring at the endless foggy ocean, the bowsprits of the huge ships piercing into the mist like swords stabbing violently at nothing. She clung to me when we finally found land, land barely distinguishable from the sea, as we joined the joyless cavalcade that seemed to extend forever in both directions, all of us moving unhappily, reluctantly away from Life. Held her hand until the Sorting, until the path split in three, suddenly, and she was gone. Gone with the Pure of Soul, the other little children and those who had lived blamelessly, perfectly. Why, I wondered, gasping and reaching out in vain with my empty hand, not even able to glimpse her in the crowd that now walked calmly, serenely up, up, to where the mist faded. Why...was it the bubblegum I stole from my cousin last summer? When I punched out the top of Billy's stupid stovepipe hat last Halloween after he ate all my Milky Ways? Because I sometimes lied about whether I brushed my teeth every night? Helpless, I was pushed along, watching the true Sinners descend down another path on the left, down and down, their scowls turning to fear as the growls of the Tigresses that guard the doors to Hell seeped up from the darkness. I shivered, wrapped in the endless gray mist, surrounded by those in the middle, pressing forward together, unsure whether we even had a destination. Stuck in the gray area, neither perfect nor terrible; petty thieves, adulterers, careless motorists, greedy children. I wondered if Mom was here too -- I'd heard her say words you're not supposed to say when she was on the phone with Grandma talking about Dad. But I didn't see her in the infinite line of bodies. We marched for another eternity. And then -- the fire. I felt the heat, felt the mist lifting before I saw it. As the mist thinned we saw the parallel path, just to the right, people who had come through the fire, their eyes now gazing steadily upwards, walking as if in a dream back the way we came, back towards that infinite rise.

I would be there now, if I hadn't seen her. If I hadn't squealed, called out, waved my hands. If she hadn't turned, just for a moment, her expression not even curious, her calm eyes not even hesitating on me for an instant. But then I knew. I knew to run. I knew the fire would kill me, erase me. I'm not the only one who's chosen the forest. I hear the others, catch glimpses of them as I stumble on. I could be up there now; I could be in Heaven. But in here, at least these dark trees are full of our memories, full of suspended lives that will haunt and echo through them forever. I know I will run forever, time a countdown from zero, stretching into more and more nothingness.

But at least I will always remember.

Dream Interlude

This morning I was half woken up by my house seeming to rumble and shake. It was over after an instant and I turned over and pulled the blankets up around me and closed my eyes, attributing it to the wind and to the dream-like state where everything feels more intense. A few hours later when I was fully awake and on facebook, I read in Valerie's status message that there had been a minor earthquake this morning.

I've never felt an earthquake before!!

I'd been hoping there would be one while I was here, honestly. Just a small one, like this. Part of me wishes I'd been more awake and could have appreciated it for what it was as it happened. But I also sort of like the vague, dream-like memory of my house shaking that I now know was real. In some ways it's more powerful like that.

Meanwhile I've been having instense dreams recently. So I'd like to record some of them here, although obviously attempting to captures dreams with words is hopeless. At least this way years from now if I read this, maybe I'll have a tiny flash of memory.

The first dream involved actually sitting up in bed, which is rare for me. My right foot was completely numb and I was half-awakened by the discovery that I couldn't move it or feel it at all. In a panic, I sat up and shook and prodded at it until sensation returned, at which point I flopped back onto my pillow, my heart still pounding and breath coming rapidly. The frustrating thing is that in whatever dream world I was in, this whole event had some deep significance. I distinctly remember lying there, catching my breath, letting the panic fade back into sleep, and thinking something along the lines of "that's it, that decided it..." But what was "it"? Probably, really, nothing. But I know at the time it felt crucial.

Monday night I had the most persistent anxiety dreams I'd had for a while, without even being anxious about anything. All night, over and over, I was dreaming about my classes the next day, doing Apples to Apples with the remaining three classes. The anxiety seems to have mainly been about running out of time and not having them write me messages. We kept running out of time because Apples to Apples and karaoke took up almost the whole period. I kept waking up, or partially waking up, and trying to reassure myself that it had gone fine with 3-2, we'd gotten through Apples to Apples and karaoke and still had time for messages. But even though I knew that was true, I couldn't make the timing work out in my mind. Did we do karaoke first, or the game? I couldn't remember, and I would fall frustrated back into the dream. It was only after I'd gotten up and dressed that it occurred to me that we weren't singing karaoke in class.

Last night, or rather this morning, I was punished for my laziness in calling in sick for the morning by several hours of continuous bad dreams. First I forgot how to get to 一中; I thought it was on the 9th floor of a certain building, but the elevator would only go down. I stopped at every floor it would let me, but they were all fancy restaurants or ballrooms. No school. I was going to be late and I couldn't believe I'd forgotten how to get there. I had the feeling it had just disappeared and I could never go there again. Later in the dream I was going to an elementary school, the one I'm scheduled to go to next Monday. One of the teachers was telling me that they didn't think very well of me there because last time I showed up late and completely unprepared and my class with the fifth and sixth-years was a flop. I wanted to explain that I was late because I couldn't find the school (which in the dream, for the record, seemed to be in a kind of little stip mall down by the water near Kobe) and I was unprepared because I'd misunderstood how the class would work, but couldn't find the right words. I was determined to make this class go better, however. The teacher wanted us to sing some songs, but I wanted to play the greeting game with the progression of animals, and I took charge and got the kids into a circle and began to review greetings with them. At one point I distinctly remember getting fed up with whatever the teacher was saying and hissing "Shut up!!" to her. But then, when I went up to the whiteboard to write out the outline of the greetings, I discovered that I could barely form letters. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't write the word "name" neatly; it came out wobbly and illegible. I assumed this meant I was having a stroke and I panicked, saying I had to leave and call my mom. Someone, I'm not sure who, led me out of the room, saying she'd get me to a hospital, and I kept repeating that I needed to call my mom but I didn't know how to make international calls. And it was this panic that finally woke me up for the day for good.

Such have been my dreams recently. There've been other snippets too, that don't even fit in with the overall plots of the dreams (such as they are). Like this morning I know there was a moment when I was in an airplane about to crash into a house. I pulled myself into enough consciousness to realize it wasn't real, and then slipped back into a different part of the dream world. I go through short phases of a few days or a few weeks of having many of these very intense, panicked or even morbid dreams, and I'm not sure what triggers it. Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just something my subconscious needs to do once in a while. The last time was shortly after I first got here, when I started having many dreams involving the deaths of people I knew. Perhaps it's not so random. Right now I've been feeling the weight of various decisions, like leaving Japan, and my sense is that it comes from that. From starting to really face the next several years of my life. Not that anything is wrong, or that I think I'm making mistakes. Just that it's scary.

I'm glad I got to feel an earthquake while I was here.

I should be able to think of appropriate lyrics, but nothing's coming to me. Hmm, let's go with this:

強く望むことが　欲しいと望んだよ
夢の先なんて見たくもないから。。。

3年1組

Ahh, my favorite class, 3-1. I think they really enjoyed the game, as all the classes did. Three groups tied with two cards apiece and another group got one card, and the remaining two had zero. I believe this was the class where I was picking between "chimpanzees" and "Japanese" for the adjective "adorable," and finally went with Japanese, heh. I didn't want to hurt their feelings!

Anyway, I would say a point for anyone who spots Akinobu's message, but uh, actually maybe I'll go with -1 point for anyone who doesn't. There's also Chisaki, the girl who came and cleaned my house once -- I'm really impressed with the length and relatively correct grammar of hers, especially since she's never seemed like a star English student. As for the sixth message on this list, Takenaka-kun's explanation was that this way I would always remember him. Yes...I suppose I likely will.

Here are the messages:

You taught sign language, but it is difficult for me. My fingers didn’t move well. I thought deaf people is very hard. And I thought ‘learning’ is very nice. So I learned that ‘learning’ is important. Today we enjoyed ‘Apple to Apple’, but my group didn’t get even one point. Oh, my god! Thank you for enjoy us. Goodbye.

Thank you. I enjoyed your lesson. Your lesson was very very exciting everything. I learned fun to study English. Thank you for my teacher “Ms Rebecca”.

Your lesson was very very very very very interesting. I learned speak importantes. Thank you for English lesson. Good bye.

Ms Rebecca. Thank you for lesson fan. You are very amusing. I learnd how to speak English. see you again Ms Rebecca. Good bye.

Thank you for teaching us English till now. Your lesson and games was interesting. I want to play something game again. Would you come back Kasumi. I will study English. Thank you very much.

Ms Rebecca till now thank you very much. You are very amusing and gentle teacher. You are lesson very fun. I want to hard work Ms Rebecca. Thank you very much.

Thank you Ms. Rebecca. English was my weaked subject. But thank you Ms Rebecca help. So I like English now. Then I like beef underdone. Thank you good bye.

Thank you Ms Rebecca. I learned many kind of for you. You are happied. Becouse you always smiled. Thank you for you. Goodbye.

Thank you Ms Rebecca. You are very amusing. You are a lesson is very amusing. I enjoyed you are lesson. I learned how to English-speaking. One day, I want to go the USA. See you again Mr Rebecca. Good bye.

Thank you very much. It is very fun for a year. I enjoyed final Ms Rebecca’s a class. Card game is very fun. Final. Thank you. ありがとう.

I could talk about Obama, American car and American life with you. I understood American. You gave me Infiniti’s catalogs and you told dealer about me. I want to visit New Jersey some day. yours, ～ P.S. If you can e-mail or IM, please send it for me.

Thank you for your lesson till now. Ms Rebecca’s lesson was very intersting for me. Today’s lesson is especially wonderfull. I owe it all to Ms Rebecca that I am as wise as I am now. Thank you for my teacher “Ms Rebecca”.

I enjoyed study English. Because I like Ms Rebecca. I gave you a cake. Was it delicious? I don’t know it. I like your smile. It is pretty. I am taller than you. I am poor English. See you again! Thank you very much.

Hello! How are you? Your lesson is very fun. I enjoyed talking with you. I have gone to your house many times. When I have a good chance, I will go to your house. At first, I don’t like English. But You taught me English. I thought a little English is fun. I will study English very hard. I will never forget talked with you. I had a good time. Thank you very much.

Hello. Ms. Rebecca. Ms. Rebecca’s English lesson was very interesting. I have a good time. Ms. Rebecca taught us how to sign language. It is very difficult for me. Thank you Ms Rebecca. Good bye.

Hello. Thank you for teach study English. I learned pronounce English. Ms Rebecca has good articulation. I enjoyed game and speaking. I was fun. Goodbye. Thank you very much.

I occasionally speak with Ms. Rebecca. Your lesson is always exciting! I love still English. Thank you very much. You remember? I sent letter to you. I wrote a letter then. “I want to be a singersongwriter.” If I sale my CD, you buy the one please. I never give up!! I never forget you. Thank you very much and see you again!

Englis is my weakest subject. But, Ms Rebecca English lesson is very interesting. So, I like English to a little. I learned American sing langerge. It is fun. Thank you Ms Rebecca.

Hello, Ms Rebecca. I learned English to you. Thank you. Your smile is very cute. I like it. I never forget you. Thank you very much.

Hello, Rebecca. I like Rebecca :) ! I had a good time talking with Rebecca every day. :D I’ll miss you. But, I will always remember Rebecca. :)☆ Thank you for memories! again meet see!

Hello. I learned American sign language. I enjoyed a card game. I’ll never forget pleasent days I spent with you. Thank you for a wondeful time. I enjoyed myself very much.

Hello! I could enjoy last class. Apples to Apples was very fun. So I want to play it again. You always smile and you are very nice. I’m glad to see you. I will remember you. Thank you very much!!

Your lesson was very interesting. So I became like English. You gave the birthday card to me is beautiful. Please me how to make it. Thank you for this card. It is difficult for me to speak English. Because I couldn’t speak English with you. I learned American sign language. It was easy. But facial expressions was very very difficult and importance. I will always remember you. Please talke care of your self.

Thank you very much, Ms Rebecca. When you came an our English class, I enjoyed very much. And last class was very interesting. Finally, your smile is very nice. I will always remember you.

I enjoyed studying English Ms Rebecca’s lesson. Ms Rebecca is kindly very pretty. I’ll never forget Ms Rebecca’s lesson. Thank you for your happy lesson.

Hello, Ms Rebeca. I was glad to talk with you. It was very fun. I learned a lot of thing from Ms Rebeca. And, I gave me birthday card for Ms Rebeca. Thank you very much. So, I will never forget it. Goodbye. See you again.

Hello, Ms Rebecca!! I like you very much!! Apples to Apples was very interesting!! Thank you. I don’t like English but Ms. Rebecca’s English class was very exciting. I liked your lesson!! I like you very much!! <3 Good-bye!! ☆

I was glad to see you. Ms Rebecca’s class was very interesting and I never forget it. I have not ever been to the USA. So, I want to go to the USA. Thank you for teaching me English. I look forward to seeing you in the near future. Thank you.

Ms Rebecca’s classes were very amusing. It is fun for me to have Ms Rebecca’s English class. And Ms Rebecca is very gentle and very amusing. You are popular among many students. So I like Ms Rebecca’s English!! Thank you for teaching me English. I hope that you will be fine.

～終わり～

Chisaki says she'll come over to my house again, even once she's in high school. And hopefully Akinobu and Naoko will still email me. And everyone, be on the lookout, if you ever see a CD by someone named Akari Shimizu, buy one, okay?

No epilogue today; I'm not at school yet, having taken the morning off, and Akinobu didn't email me back yet.

Sigh...I will really miss this class.

3年3組

I must admit, there weren't many kids in 3-3 that I interacted with individually. Really only Keiri, the girl who's going to America next year, whom I coached a bit for her interview at the Embassy. A point for whoever spots her message. ^_^

Also, I enjoy the ones that come straight from the dictionary's sample "Thank You Letter"...

Anyway, without further ado:

I like your lesson. Becouse your very cheer. So I like your lesson. I was most amusing was English cards. It was very interesting. Next, I like English card game 「Apples to Apples」was amusing too. Thank you for lesson. Your lesson was very amusing. With best wishes.

I enjoyed the card games. I learned my many kinds of study English. I enjoyed the sign language.

Thank you very much. You made me happy every day. For example, when English lesson, I played many games with you and You were taught me many things. So, I was happy and interesting then. Goodbye Ms Rebecca.

Your lesson was very interesting. I will never forget my teacher, Ms Rebecca. I learned interesting English. I want to played Yugioh! Thank you for teached English.

I enjoyed is Apples to Apples. Because very fun. You Lesson is very interesting. She speake English very well. Thank you for we teach English. I’m looking for ward so much to seeing you again in Kasumi.

Ms Rebecca taught me how to Apples to Apples. I ejoyed playing it. Ms Rebecca made us happy. It was difficult for me to study English. I wanted you to study English. Thank you!

Till now thank you. Thank you very much for your trouble every day. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you a lot for all the many things you did to make my study happy and comfort-able.

Ms. Rebecca’s lesson is very good. And very happily lesson. I learned sing language. Sing language is very very hard. Thank you very much.

Thank you Ms Rebecca. Your lesson is very interesting. Sign language lesson is the most interesting. I enjoyed American card game. I will never forget your lesson. Good-bye Ms Rebecca. Thank you very much.

You like a Japanese cartoon, don’t you? I also like a Japanese cartoon. I was very happy when I heard it. Your English class was so good. It was fun. See you again.

Thank you very much for many English-classes in 2008 and 2009. I was so fun that I want to be able to speak English much more. English classes for this year was very fun, if you came this class or couldn’t came to class but so fun. I became I like English for you. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

The lesson with Ms Rebecca is very fun. Ms Rebecca’s lesson made me exciting. Now, I’m very sad. But, Play soccer with you next time. Take good care of yourself. Thank you for the lesson. It was nice meeting to you. Goodbye!

Thank you for teahing us English. I enjoyed Apples to Apples. I enjoyed a funny story. See you Ms Rebecca.

Ms Rebecca’s lesson is very intersting. I’ll never forget those pleasant days. Thak you very much. Good luck to you. With best wishes.

I will never forget spend time for you. Your lesson is very amusing. I leared English from you. I miss you. Thank you very much for a wonderful time. Let’s meet somewhere again. Goodbye.

Ms Rebecca’s lesson is very fun. You are good smile every day. So, I became to smile too. Apples to Apples and sign language were very interesting. Thank you for good lesson, Ms Rebecca!!

DEAR Ms Rebecca, Thank you for every thing you have done for me. Your class was a lot of fun. I will never forget you. Thank you very much.

I’m glad to study with Rebecca. It is interesting for me to Rebecca’s lesson. I want to more English study with Rebecca. I enjoyed to play “Apples to Apples” game. Thank you very much!!! :-) Thank you for good lesson, Ms Rebecca! Sincerely yours.

<3 Thank you very much, Ms. Rebecca!! Your interview lesson was very useful. <3 And English class very enjoyed. ☆★ I became I like English for you!! Thank you very much. <3 I think to work hard I go to high school. I love you. <3 :-) Sincerely yours!!

Hello. Ms Rebecca. I have ever study English teach me today. And I teached sign language and Apples to Apples. Very enjoyed study English with Ms Rebecca. Thank you.

Your lesson was very interesting. I wanted to teach you English more. I enjoyed todey’s game. I am sad because you go back to the USA. I will never forget you. Thank you. Sincerely yours.

You are talk is very exciting. I enjoyed myself very much. Thanks to your self we can learned good English. I’ll never forget this time. Thank you very much Ms Rebecca.

Hello. Ms Rebecca was very kind. We will miss you after you are gone. Are you ate a chocolate? Was it delicioused? I’ll miss you. Take care! Thank you for a wonderful time. Good-bye!

Hello, Ms Rebecca. Thank you for Smile. :-)★ I enjoyed Apples to Apples. It was very fun. I learned about English and the countries of the world. [picture of Mickey Mouse saying “Thanks”]

Dear: Ms Rebecca. I like your lesson. Because your lesson is a lot of fun. But I could not speak little you. I am most remember your lesson is America sign langage. thank you Ms Rebecca. I will never forget you!!

Your English class is very nice! I like the day you come. I could enjoy in the class. And I could learn English more. But there are no classes you teach us. I’m very sad. So I want to talk with you by a graduation ceremony. I will remember you. Thank you very much!

Thank you very much Ms Rebecca. I learned a important English. Then I enjoyed a lesson. Again come to Japan here? Does me chocolate delicious? Thank you for a wonderful time.

Thank you for teaching English to us. Ms Rebecca’s lesson is very interesting. So I like your English lesson. I am not good at speaking English. So I study English very hard from now on. If I speak English well, I’ll talk to you in English. I work hard in high school. Ms Rebecca is cherfully work hard.

Dear Ms Rebecca <3,
Thank you a lot of all the many things you did make us happy and fun. I’ll never forget those pleasant days I spent with you and your family. Never fail to let me know in advance when you come to Japan.

～終わり～

And now, an Epilogue to yesterday's Epilogue: Apparently Mita-kun was rather confused by finding a card in his shoe, and thought it got there by mistake (uh, an odd mistake...), and gave it to Nishimura-sensei. Lol. So, not having any way to contacting Mita-kun directly, I emailed Akinobu (to whom I'd told the story yesterday) and told him that if he sees Mita-kun, he should tell him the card was a present and he is a baka. ^_^;;

3年2組

Today was my last class with 3-2, the class that for some odd reason I only got to go to about half as often as every other class in the school. We played Apples to Apples and it went really well, which I guess didn't really surprise me but did make me very happy. ^_^ Mita-kun was pissed because every time he chose the most silly answer out of his group's cards, no matter what the adjective was, and it never got chosen. Not because I was averse to choosing silly answers -- although I have been accused of that before heh -- but rather because he wasn't being nuanced enough about it. You can't win just by throwing out your most ridiculous card; you have to think specifically about whether it's funny with the given adjective. His impatience was not rewarded. Also, after several rounds, I heard him mutter in a disappointed voice, "Aww, these are all clean words!" ...Seriously kid, what were you expecting? Anyway, for those of you who (shamefully) don't know Apples to Apples, when you win a round you get the adjective card, and adjective cards are green.

After the game the teacher had all the kids write little Thank You messages to me, and I wish to record those here, just for fun. See if you can pick out Mita-kun's.

Your lesson is very interesting and very enjoyed every times. I will never forget you. See you again.

Sign language tank you.

Thank you very much for short time. I enjoyed studying English owing to you! Take good care of yourself. I was glad to see you. See you again!

Your lesson was interesting. Because I enjoyed learning sign language and I enjoyed playing card game. I want to have your lesson again. Thank you. Good bye.

I will never forget your English lesson. Because your lesson is very fun. I enjoyed playing card game. Till now all this while Thak you very much.

Yours class is very interesting. I enjoyed playing card game. I will never forget yours class. Thank you for Ms. Rebecca.

I will never forget Ms Rebeca. Till now all this while Thank you. I enjoyed playing card game.

I will always remember you and I learned a lot of things from you. For example, you taught us sign language in English. It is very difficult for me to use a sign language. But, it is very interesting. And your class is very fun and exciting. Thank you for taught a lot of things. Good-bye Ms Rebecca.

Thank you very much. See you!

I liked your a class. So I'm sad. Thank you very much your birthday present. I'm glad to do. ----> I will very important your present. I won't never forget you. So don't forget me too. I will play a soft tennis hard. Thank you very much! Goodbye!!

Ms. Rebecca is taught our English. Sign language is so difficult that understand. But Ms. Rebecca is taught our sing language. So I can understood. I enjoyed a today's game. It is very fun. I am going to learn more English in high school. Thank you very much, Ms Rebecca. Goodbye.

Please give me, green card. Thank you very.

Thank you very much for short time. Your class was very imteresting. I will never forget you. See you again.

You thaught me how to American sign languages. American sign language was difficult. But, I learned by heart American sign languages little. Thank you.

Ms Rebecca's class was very happy!! I learned a lot of things. English was very enjoyment class for me. We are graduate. Ms Rebecca! Cheerfully spend. Thank you very much, Ms Rebecca :-)

Thank you Ms Rebecca. I will never forget Ms Rebecca. At first, I was not good at English. But, I learned English. Your lesson is well. Thank you for a lot of smile. See you again.

Thank you for a year. I interested an English lesson. And I like an English lesson with your. I enjoyed card game and sing languge. I want to an English lesson with your it more. I will always remember Ms Rebecca.

I learned many things from you. Your class was very interesting every time. Your notice was very interesting too. The class and notice made me happy. We may not meet you. But I will never forget you. And I want to study English in high school. Because I want to travel around world.

Ms Rebecca taught English to me. Thank you very much at that time. I enjoyed talking with you.

You taught us many things. Your lesson was interesting! I liked your lesson. I want to see you again. Thank you very much till now. P.S. If you like Japanese music, please listen ELLEGARDEN. I like SIMPLE PLAN in international.

Your lessons were very interesting. I learned a lot things from you. And your letter was very interesting too. I was very happy when You gave me a letter. So I'll never forget you. Please don't forget me. And please send me e-mail. I will send you some email. Thank you very much!!

Thank you for about a year. Rebecca's class was interesting. So final class was lonely. The thing I enjoyed the best is sign language. I learned difference to American language and Japanese language. I enjoyed others things. I will never forget for these days.

★Thank you for a Lesson. I enjoyed Lesson.　<3

Thank you for coming to English class. It was fun for me to English. Apples to Apples is very amusing. I like it very much! Thank you very much.

Thank you for everything you have done for me. I will never forget you and your lesson. A little time, but I enjoyed myself very much. It was nice meeting you. See you again.

You taught ours to American games, pronunciation and sign languages. I had a good time. I'll never forget those pleasant days. I'm looking forward so much to seeing you again. Thank you very much this one year. I'm going to learn English in full in high school!

Thank you for a few time. I Ms Rebecca a teacher's a lesson fun.

I like Rebeca. More memory thank you. and birthday card thank you. wonderfully amazingly gladed. again full tark. Rebecca taught me how to sign language. Thank you. very enjoyed. Good bye.

Thank you for a wonderful time. I enjoyed my self very much. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I'll miss you. See you again!

I was many kinds of talk with Ms Rebecca. I had a good time. Ms Rebecca was teach us English. Ms Rebecca spoke so simply and slowly that we can understand her easily. Thank you very much. I will never forget a English class with Ms Rebecca.

Hello. Thank you very much till now. I like Ms Rebecca. You were very pretty. I enjoyed your lesson very much. I learned Englis is interesting.

Thank you till now. I had a good time. Today's class was very interesting too. Thank you for memories.

～終わり～

Epilogue: So, I put a green adjective card (Colorful, for the record) into one of Mita-kun's gym shoes in the student 玄関 before I left today. I hope he likes it...^_^

現在地

Today while the students were copying grammar notes and the Japanese translation down in their notebooks and I was wandering up and down the aisles entertaining myself by observing the left-handed kids writing in Japanese (seriously, it fascinates me, for no good reason...) and playing with a couple of magnets I'd grabbed off the teacher's cart, I glanced out the window and noticed a group of high school guys on their bikes congregated in the driveway, peering into the gym. (Uh, that sounds a little sketchy when I put it like that, but it wasn't really meant to lol.) Anyway, I kept wandering and next time I circled around to the window they were still there. Having nothing else to do, I watched them absently for a minute, vaguely wondering what they were doing loitering around the middle school. After a moment I realized that a few of them were staring up toward the classroom windows, and after another moment they all were. At the very window I was standing at, in fact. As soon as I realized this one of them began to wave, and then a couple others joined in. Still not certain it was me they were waving at, I returned the waves rather timidly, and as soon as I did they all laughed and waved more enthusiastically. I left the window and went back to walking around the classroom, and next time I came to the window they'd gone.

I'm not sure exactly what brand of vanity or desire for attention is behind this, but I am definitely going to miss being someone that people notice standing at a window three stories up and begin waving to.

Tuesday I gave Risako a hexaflexagon and got the best reaction I've ever gotten from giving anyone anything. She acted like I'd given her the deed to a private tropical island full of gold mines and adorable puppies. She gave me two big hugs, and promised to give me a card for my birthday, and then today when I saw her she thanked me again with almost just as much enthusiasm. Today in the elective third-year class, I came armed with hexaflexagons for Masashi and Takashi, my ambidextrous twins. I was doing warm-up questions, and when I asked "What is the date today?" as the first question, Masashi (the left-handed one) grinned and said "My birthday...", which was cute, but didn't actually answer the question. My scheme was to leave one of them for last and then ask "When is your birthday?" Which meant that poor Masashi got passed over a couple of times when he was in fact the first to raise his hand, and each time he gave me a puzzled expression. Finally he was the last one left and I asked when his birthday was, and he said "February twelfth." He could have gotten away with "today". Anyway, I gave him his hexaflexagon, and one to Takashi, who hadn't really earned it because it was Masashi who wrote me a note and told me when his birthday is...heh. But I'm not that mean. Anyway, they weren't as effusive as Risako -- it would have been a bit awkward if they had been. But they were quite impressed with the technology, as everyone I've given one has been. Takashi managed to get his all tangled in a way that took me a couple minutes to fix, which everyone thought was quite amusing. And when I first handed it to Masashi, his first impulse was to try to sort of open it by forcing it apart, which caused me to yelp and pull it back out of his hands, which also made everyone laugh.

Interestingly, I had a brief moment of panic a few minutes after I'd given them out, because I realized that I hadn't managed to explicitly confirm which twin was which before giving them. It had been my plan to make sure before handing them over that I didn't give them to the wrong one, but then I just plain forgot, and just acted on an assumption that the one sitting in front was Masashi. I think this assumption came partly from a vague memory of the seating arrangements from last time, but I also feel like it just felt obvious to me from slight differences in their affect, and that pleases me. Since Masashi cut his hair (very annoying of him), they really look almost identical, so it's kind of cool to feel I can tell them apart without handing them a pen and making them write something.

I also got the most ambitious answer to "what are you going to do this weekend?" that I've yet gotten, namely "I am going to go to the eye doctor," from Takashi. At least, I think he was trying to say eye doctor...

Sigh, I will miss my third-years...

Tonight I went to the beach. They're not turning on the lights by the path, because it's winter I guess, so it was quite dark sitting by the water. Incredibly beautiful. I stayed until it got just a bit too chilly.

I will miss Kasumi.

I think I'm making the right decisions. But until now I haven't felt like I've passed up a lot of paths in my life that were real losses. It was the plan all along to go to school, to go to high school, to go to college. I could have gone to PDS, sure, but I don't lie awake at night wondering what beautiful things lay down that road that I missed out on. I could have gone to a different college, but I felt so at home at Swarthmore as soon as I set foot there that I never spent much time fretting about opportunities missed at other schools. Coming to Japan after graduation was such a clearly perfect thing: a language I'd studied, a culture I wanted to learn about, a chance to teach in real classrooms. So until now, any path I've rejected has been completely vague, hypothetical, and rejected in favor of something that felt absolutely right.

Now I'm learning what it feels like to know that I'm walking one path while down another lie more evening walks along the shore of the Sea of Japan, more elementary school students waving at me as I drive along and yelling "I am hungry!!" (the only English they knew?), more train rides through the countryside down to Kobe, more students writing "twenth-four" as the ordinal number for "twenty-four"...

But just because a path is alluring doesn't mean it's the right one.

Right?

Sometimes the only choice is to let go of something you know would be amazing in a way that nothing else in your life quite is. Sometimes amazing isn't enough. Sometimes you just can't make something into more than it is. Maybe that would destroy it. Maybe what you dream of doesn't actually exist, can't actually exist. Maybe the path is only beautiful and alluring when peered down, but you'd discover if you took just one step that you were standing on nothing, and you could never go back.


.........


Sorry, back to the previous topic: I handed in my (non-)re-contracting form last week. So that decision is made. And I do think it's the right one. But I'll come back and visit you, Kasumi. Part of me will always live here.

One of my current favorite songs is surprisingly on point (oh hmm, it looks like I used lyrics from this song a few posts ago, but they're more relevant here, so oh well):

これが僕の望んだ世界だ
そして今も歩き続ける
不器用な 旅路の果てに
正しさを祈りながら。。。

This is the world I chose,
And even now I'll keep walking,
To this clumsy journey's end,
Praying that it's right...