Vibes

He has to go, he says. I feel that tenseness in my chest, a dull weight. If only I could breathe and get rid of it and have a happy goodnight...but I don't know how. "Sorry for babbling so much." I'm manipulative. He's supposed to say "it's okay, I love listening to you!" He doesn't. Damn him. "See you tommorrow," I say coldly, wondering why I have to get like this when he leaves. After a minute: "see ya". Twenty seconds: "love you". "love you", I type quickly back. Like an auto-reply, impersonal. "Sweet dreams", he says. Silence. What am I doing, punishing him with distant coldness for having to go to bed? What a bitch I can be.

After a minute: "hmm..." And then, "I miss you too".

In a world where so many of our interactions are masked by words and conventions, what you should and shouldn't say, what sort of social masks you're expected to maintain, what a blessing it is to have a soulmate who can see through to the actual feeling behind the tenseness and bitchiness and manipulation. As soon as he said that, the weight lifted from my chest.

Sometimes the smallest things make me feel like the luckiest person in the world.