履物

Okay, enough of this frivolous chatter about love and reality and art -- it's high time I discussed some serious matters in this blog. I commence with a haiku I composed the other day:

あいさつを
ちゃんとしないと
地獄行く

Aisatsu o
Chanto shinai to
Jigoku yuku

If you don't always
Say your greetings loud and clear,
You will go to hell.

This is a known fact, and an important one, and there should be more poetry written about it, I feel. Poets neglect the important things. But I digress. This is about the souls of my students. Today I was encouraged to attend a morning assembly at one of my elementary schools. At this assembly I was shocked and saddened to learn that there are, among the seemingly innocent students, a handful who are already on the road to eternal damnation. This was poignantly demonstrated by the principal, who enacted scenes of sin in front of everyone: responding to a greeting of "Good morning!" with only a small mumbled "Mornin'" and no eye contact; or, even more shockingly, not returning the greeting at all. What are the consequences of this? As the principal reminded everyone, "From one greeting, smiles and kindness are born," and in turn, "From one smile, happiness and pleasure are born." There you have it. What kind of asshole would intentionally abort happiness? In closing, he emphasized to everyone that true greetings come from the heart, and if you're only going through the motions (because, say, your principal shamed you into it...) no smiles or happiness or pleasure will result.

That's all well and good, but greetings are not the only important thing. It would be, one might argue, rather narrow-minded of a school to talk about nothing but greetings at every school assembly. (I'm sure the fact that the other two assemblies I've witnessed at this school have focused on nothing but greetings involved some sort of random sample bias...) There are, of course, other roads to hell, and so I was relieved when the topic shifted to the other official goal of the school:

Lining shoes up neatly.

I was happy to learn that all of the students had become experts at storing their outdoor shoes properly when they go in and out of school. However, that is not the only time they change shoes. That's right: what of the slippers in the bathrooms?

Well. That's a completely different story. Words fail to describe the horror, so we were treated to a slide show, featuring pictures of the entrance to each of the six bathrooms taken on May 14th, and again yesterday. Gasps and shocked laughter filled the room as each photo gradually came into view. The girls' bathroom on the second floor yesterday was the closest to acceptable, with only one slipper slightly askew. ("So close!", many cried.) None of the boys' bathrooms could be looked upon without a severe grimace. Many of the slippers faced out rather than in, and often the two slippers in a pair were separated by at least two or three inches. In one case one slipper was flipped sideways! This was in the third floor boys' room, and quite likely the fault of the one brazen sixth-year boy who raised his hand when the teacher asked if there were any students who never gave any thought at all to lining up the slippers neatly.

There may be no hope for him -- I bet when you say "Good morning!" to him he growls and spits on you too -- but it's the dozen or so students who admitted to occasionally forgetting to think about the slippers for whom I'm most concerned. They are not, I believe, beyond salvation. The other teachers at the school clearly believe this too, and have gone to great lengths to implement a plan to set these young souls back on the path of righteousness: Tape. As of today, on the mat at the entrance to each bathroom, three pieces of tape have been thoughtfully placed, indicating exactly where the three pairs of slippers ought to be lined up.

I will be at this school again two weeks from today, and I can only hope that there will be another assembly at which I can learn, ideally with visual aides, the results of this intervention. I would hate to return to America worried that many of the children I have grown to love were becoming the kind of people who would forget to line up the bathroom slippers.


* * * * * * * *


Yeah....true story. I was sitting in the back of the room trying not to just crack up. I actually have some serious thoughts on all of this comically intense focus on seemingly superficial things, but as the past few posts have taken themselves perhaps a bit too seriously, I'll save that for another time. (Always happy to babble if asked, though!) Instead I'll close with another haiku, and because I'm lazy, I'll translate this one with Babel Fish:

ぬるぬると、
一体何が。。。
あ、なるほど。

Nuru-nuru to,
Ittai nani ga...
Ah, naruhodo.

Slipperily,
One something...
Oh, the extent which becomes.

As a side note, if anyone who reads this knows any Japanese: I hereby open up a competition to create the best haiku that ends あ、なるほど。 (You can change the あ I guess...just there had to be five syllables.) There will be prizes. Exciting prizes. So send me your entries. ^_^