Boku ga boku de wa o tsuzukeru tame...
[8/10 again]
That line means, roughtly, “in order to remain myself.” It makes me think of the line from Genkai Haretsu, “Boku no ue de kimi wa kimi ja naku naru,” meaning “on top of me you become not yourself.” I guess hide’s playing with the tension between the power of the self and the power of transcending the self. Or...not. Anyway, you know when suddenly a song you’ve known for a while and not paid much attention to just sort of pops out at you? That happened to me today with Tell Me. I’d always sort of brushed it aside as an aesthetically pleasing but not very compelling song. But listening to it earlier today, it suddenly struck me as really poignant. When I get internet I’ll look up the lyrics that I don’t know.
Oh hide, why will I never get to see you perform? Why did you deny me that? Why will you never write any more songs? What pushed you to it?
Meanwhile, once I get internet I should see who is performing around Japan while I’m here. Having gotten the small sample of Japanese music that I listen to from Lisa, I feel it stereotypes me as a certain genre of person which I’m not. But then, combined with everything else, what does it add up to? The little slices of Japanese popular culture that have crossed my path don’t seem to go together very natural: Yugioh, Fruits Basket, CLANNAD, hide, Malice Mizer, Yoshimoto Banana...I seem to belong to at least four demographics. Everyone’s heard of Yugioh around here, and Banana, but Miura-san hadn’t heard of Malice Mizer; I told her they were sort of Visual Kei and she started giggling, then later when we were flipping through some girly magazine, she found a picture of a guy in creepy white makeup with an odd wig and leather jacket holding a guitar and screaming, and pointed to it and said “Visual Kei desu ne?” and giggled more. I couldn’t entirely deny it. I don’t even know if Malice Mizer is (was) Visual Kei. They did wear odd costumes, there’s no denying that.
Tomorrow I’m going to ask people around the office if they’ve heard of AIR. If they haven’t, I know they’ll get a huge kick out of its being set in Kasumi. ^_^
A Gackt (post MM) song just came up on shuffle. The only one I have, I guess. I would be quite interested to see Gackt in person. He is simultaneously one of the most utterly beautiful people I’ve ever seen, and one of the most insane. But he can sing, that’s for damn sure. I’d be intimidated to go by myself though, and I haven’t gotten a vibe of alternative Japanese rock from anyone I’ve met yet. Ha ha ha, maybe Miura-san will go with me......
Or maybe not.
So when people ask me why I decided to do the JET Program, I say something like “well, I’d been studying Japanese since senior year of high school, both the language and some of the culture, so I really wanted to be here for a while and experience it for real; plus, I wrote my linguistics thesis on second language acquisition and I’m really interested in the process of learning and teaching languages, in fact when I get back to America I’m planning to get a Masters in it and probably teach ESL for a while. How about you?” I think I need to come up with a less intense answer. More often than not the response is something like “Oh...well, I just didn’t really know what to do after college, and going to Japan sounded kinda cool.” Which is a 100% legitimate reason, and I feel like my answer makes me sound too...I dunno, serious. So next time maybe I’ll go for “’Cause Seto Kaiba is so hottttt!!”
......What? He is.
For, you know, a drawing.
If I were you, o hypothetical reader of this blog, I would probably be sort of annoyed at having to wade through so much rather meaningless babble to get to actual anecdotes or substantial musings. Maybe I should put important-ish paragraphs in bold or something. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. From now on, this will be a skimming-friendly blog, with anything I deem actually worthy of your time in bold. Starting with this paragraph, so that you know about it...lol.
Ever free, kono yoru o tsukinukete...Mezamereba, toberu no ka, free ni...?
Did I mention that you should all learn Japanese? To entertain myself, I shall give Japanese lessons in the form of analyzing song lyrics. Some preliminaries:
i) Japanese word order is, generally, SOV.
ii) Japanese verbs end in –ru, -u, -ku, -gu, -su, -tsu, -bu, -mu, and –nu. In general, verb conjugate by changing the last syllable to something else in the same column – something beginning with the same consonant that is – and adding an ending. For example, to negate a verb, change to the –a row and add –nai. So –ku becomes –kanai. The “pre-masu” form of the verb just means change to the –i row. So called because that’s what you do when you want to attach “masu” (polite form) on the end. But that form is also used before various other verb suffices. For (some) verbs ending in –ru, everything I just said is wrong: you don’t change the –ru, but just delete it and add the ending. Such verbs are called “ru verbs” or “group I verbs.” They’re not as much fun as group II verbs. Feel free to look down on them.
iii) Japanese adjectives end in –i. They are predicates. Meaning, they contain within themselves what we English speakers need the word “is” for. Because they’re just that cool. So “ookii” doesn’t mean “big”; it means “is big.” That said, if pressed, these adjectives will allow themselves to be stuck right in front of nouns just like in English, to form a larger noun phrase. In this case, they surrender their predicate powers, and you need some other predicate in the sentence. When functioning as the predicate, adjectives conjugate by changing the –i on the end to something else: -katta for past, -kunai for negation. I’d tell you what past negation is, but it turns out that that “nai” on the end – it’s an i-adjective! And you should know how to make it past. Sometimes people will try to tell you there are “na-adjectives” in Japanese. You should slap those people. But gently, since in fact there are na-adjectives in Japanese. They’re just so different from i-adjectives that it bothers me when people lump them together. In fact, they are most similar to nouns. The only difference is that when they want to stick on the front of a noun to modify it, a magical “na” appears between them and the noun. If it were a normal noun, that “na” would be a “no”. Compare: “kirei-na heya” = “clean room”; “suugaku no heya” = “math room”. Other than that, na-adjectives behave like nouns. So don’t worry about them; they’re boring. Stack them with the group I verbs.
iv) There is a copula verb in Japanese, meaning something that simply equates things. It appears alternately as “da” and “desu”. It either means that two things are the same or that one thing has a certain property. It should not be confused with verbs of existence, also often translated as “is”. There are two of those: iru (animate things), and aru (inanimate things). If you use aru when you should use iru, Japanese people laugh at you.
v) Japanese has particles, many of which can be thought of as case-markers. They come after what they mark. They are scary. But actually, they’re one of the most fun things about Japanese. Here are your basic ones:
wa: marks topic (something already in the discourse about which you are giving information)
ga: marks grammatical subject. Be careful: sometimes something’s a subject in Japanese that’s an object in the English translation. For example, things you understand are grammatical subjects.
o: marks grammatical object. Also, path through or along which movement occurs.
ni: destination, location (of existence), exact time, indirect object, and about twenty other things
de: instrument, location (of action)
made: limit
kara: starting point
That’s enough for now. Let’s plunge in to a song, shall we?
Kimi no itami ureshisou ni hane o hirogete maiorite kuru.
Vocabulary:
kimi = you
itami = pain (nominalized form of the adjective itai)
ureshii = happy
hane = wings
hirogeru = to spread (gr. I)
mai-oriru = swoop down
kuru = come
Syntax: This sentence lacks a topic/subject marker, but in fact the topic is “kimi no itami.” “no” is a possessive, working sort of like ‘s in English, so that NP means “your pain.” Okay, now what’s the main verb? It’s at the end, as it usually is: maiorite kuru. This introduces the –te form, one of the most important forms. You can think of it as a sort of connective form, and occasionally like a gerund. In this case, we have the verb kuru stuck on to the –te form of another verb. This adds a hard-to-translate connotation of movement toward something: the speaker, the present time. Sometimes it works in English to say “came to...” In this case, “comes swooping down” seems to do it. The tense of the verb is carried on the kuru: present. Okay, so your pain comes swooping down. What of all those middle words?
They are in fact two modifying clauses. You may notice the particle ni. Here it is acting to create an adverb: ureshisou-ly, pretty much. Okay, so what’s ureshisou? It comes from the adjective ureshii. Japanese people don’t like to assert, well, pretty much anything. So there are a zillion ways to say that something seems a certain way, but of course you can’t assert that is really is. Replacing the –i with –sou is one such way. It can be used when the evidence on which you’re basing your claim is evidence of your own senses, as opposed to something someone else told you. So what we have here is something that sort of means “happily”...but it’s only apparently happily, really.
Next we have another verb in –te form. “hane o hirogeru” means “to spread [one’s] wings”, and it’s in a connective form, so we might say it as “spreading its wings.”
All together: “Your pain happily spreads its wings and comes swooping down.”
Hiru no hikari kimi no kizu o daite yasashiku hirogete yuku.
Vocabulary:
hiru = noon/daytime
hikari = light
kizu = wound(s)
daku = hug (note: also used to mean “have sex”...but not in this context. Listen to “Kiss Kiss Kiss” on Double Fantasy.)
yasashii = gentle
yuku = to go (alternate pronunciation of iku)
Syntax: First, what’s the topic/subject? It’s the first noun phrase: hiru no hikari, the light of day = daylight. Again, we lack a particle. Tsk tsk hide. Well, particles are often dropped in informal speech. What’s the main verb? It’s “hirogete yuku,” another –te form construction. Now instead of attaching “come”, we’ve attached “go”. Sure enough, it’s a similar meaning, but with movement directed outward. In this case, not physical movement; it implies an action continued into the future. We might say “goes on opening/spreading.” Or we might not have a good way to phrase it in English. But now, hirogeru is a transitive verb; fortunately, there’s an object, complete with object particle o. “Kimi no kizu”, your wounds. So the daylight is opening your wounds.
And the modifiers? We again have an adjective-turned-adverb, and a –te form, but in the other order: “daite” is the –te form of daku, and “yasashiku” is the adjective “yasashii” with the –i replaced by –ku, which is how adverbs are formed from i-adjectives. In this case, I believe that “daite” originated as the predicate of its own clause, but then got switched to –te form to connect it to another clause with the same topic. So instead of using an –ing form, I’d connect the two clauses with “and”:
The daylight hugs your wounds and gently rubs them open.
(More accurately, then, “kimi no kizu” originated as the object of “daku”, and then is carried over into the next clause as well.)
Hoshi no nageki kikeba, hon no chiisa-na koto darou.
Vocabulary:
hoshi = star(s)
nageki = moan
kiku = listen/hear (also ask, but not here)
hon no chiisa-na = really small
koto = thing (abstract)
darou = might/should be
Syntax: Where is the subject? Hidden. Implied. It’s probably “you.” What sort of verbs do we have? We have kiku, and it’s in some weird form. In fact it’s in a conditional form, made by jumping to the –e line (ku --> ke) and adding –ba. So “if you listen.” To what? Well, there’s a noun phrase sitting in front of the verb looking like an object: the moans of the stars. So if you listen to the moans of the stars...
Then what? Hon no chiisa-na koto – a small thing. Darou, the form of the copula verb that expresses a good probability. So I would say, “it’s just a small thing.” What is? Unclear.
I lumped “hon no chiisa-na” together as one vocab item; chiisa-na is a na-adjective version of chiisai, meaning small. I don’t know how to describe the meaning of “hon no” on its own; I think it just sort of emphasizes, but I’m not sure.
If you listen to the moans of the stars, it’s just a small thing.
Yoru no yami ni ochite yukeba wasurete shimau koto na no kamo.
Vocabulary:
yoru = night
yami = darkness
ochiru = fall
wasureru = forget
shimau = [see below]
Syntax: Did you spot the conditional? Here we have yukeba, formed from yuku, which is again attached to the –te form of a verb. Here the English translation is easier, since we do say “go falling”...although in fact I might stick with “fall”. Where are you falling? Well we have a noun phrase marked with “ni”, which you may recall can mark for destination. So you’re falling into the darkness of night. (Contrast to the line that started “hiru no hikari”...ahh hide you are a wonderful lyricist...) So if you fall into the dark of night...
You may see another verb, not at the end of the sentence, but in the present affirmative form: shimau. You may notice I refused to tell you what it means. It’s generally used as a suffix stuck on a –te form, and it adds either a meaning of completion (similar to “up” in a lot of English phrase: eat up, finish up), or a meaning of regret, that whatever happened was too bad. Often found on the back of the verb wasureru, to forget – I guess forgetting is often regrettable. So if you fall into the dark of night, you (unfortunately) forget...forget what?
Now we introduce relative clauses. Relative clauses in Japanese are easy. You have a clause. You want it to modify a noun. What do you wish you could do with it? Just stick it in front of the noun and be done with it? Well you can! It’s that easy. Is this clause stuck in front of a noun? Indeed it is: koto is a perfectly fine (if rather vague) noun. Put it together and we have “something you forget as you fall into the dark of night.”
What of all those random syllables at the end that didn’t even make the vocab list? I won’t try to explain “na no”...suffice it to say that it adds a bit of emphasis. “kamo” is in some sense short of “kamo shirenai”, which means “might” (I’m unclear on the etymology/syntax of that phrase, but it definitely means “might”). So,
It might just be something you forget as you fall into the dark of night.
Yureru omoi, tsuka-no-ma no yume, chiisa-na higeki.
Vocabulary:
yureru = shake, waver
omoi = thought, emotion
tsuka-no-ma = transient (but it’s not acting syntactically as an adjective! you say. I guess it’s sort of a no-adjective...or something.)
yume = dream
higeki = tragedy
Syntax: What syntax? This is just a string of noun phrases. Note the small
relative clause in the first one: a feeling that wavers. A transient dream. A
small tragedy. Adding a bit of alliteration we get...
A wavering feeling, a transient dream, a tiny tragedy.
Furu hoshi no kazu kazoetara, naku no ni aki darou.
Vocabulary:
furu = fall (as in rain, snow, etc.)
kazu = number
kazoeru = to count
naku = to cry
aki = tired of
Syntax: At least this is more like a sentence. Again we have a conditional, but this time it’s a –tara conditional, formed by taking the past tense of the verb and adding –ra. Again, the topic “you” is implied. And we’re missing the object marker o, but nevertheless “the number of the stars that fall” is the object of “if you count.” So if you count the falling stars...
Now we get to see a fun function of “no”, which is nominalizing things. So naku = to cry, naku no = the act of crying. The all-purpose “ni” as, in some sense, the destination of the being-tired-of. Again the “darou” adds a sense of “probably” or
“should be”. But don’t take that too seriously: you’re not supposed to assert anything for sure, remember.
If you count the falling stars, you’ll tire of crying.
Warau tsuki no aosa kizu o nadete tojite yuku.
Vocabulary:
warau = to laugh
tsuki = moon
aosa = paleness (nominalized form of aoi, which depending on what kanji it’s written with can, can mean blue or pale. –sa and –mi are both ways of changing i-adjectives to nouns, and it’s a bit random which adjectives use which.)
naderu = to rub
tojiru = to close
Syntax: You wouldn’t know it, because of the lack of particles, but we have an actual subject in this sentence: “warau tsuki no aosa” = the paleness of the moon that laughs. (Another relative clause.) Kizu, you may remember, means wounds. Now a bunch of verbs strung together with –te forms: nadete, and tojite (okay so only two), and again yuku gives a sense of the action moving forward in time. So whereas the daylight was gently opening your wounds,
The paleness of the laughing moon will rub your wounds closed.
(Note: “present” tense in Japanese often actually implies a sort of future tense – a not-yet-completed action. Also, I changed it from the literal “rubs and closes your wounds” to something more idiomatic to English.)
Furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no naka ni dakishimete.
Vocabulary:
furi-sosogu = to downpour (furu combined with sosogu)
kanashimi = sadness (nominalized from kanashii)
sono = that/those (refers to something related to the listener usually, or to something just mentioned)
ude = arm(s)
naka = inside
daki-shimeru = hold (formed from daku, to hug, and shimeru, to fasten)
Syntax: Let’s look at the main verb first: it’s in the –te form. A main verb? you ask. Yes; it’s an imperative form, another use of the –te form. (But if you want to get into it, it’s not really “another” use...the usage is short for “-te kudasai” where “kudasai” is a different imperative form of a formal verb meaning “give (to me)”. In that phrase, the –te form is in fact functioning as a sort of gerund: “give me ~ing.”) So what are we being ordered to hold? That would be the noun phrase marked with o, which includes a little relative clause: the downpouring sadness. And we’ve also got something marked with ni, which remember can mark location: so the place of this holding is inside those (your) arms.
Hold the downpouring sadness in your arms.
Kareru made odoru darou, subete uketomeru yo, kono mama.
Vocabulary:
kareru = to die
odoru = to dance
subete = everything
uketomeru = to catch
kono = this
mama = (indicates a steady state or situation; see below)
Syntax: We’re back to the implied “you” subject. The particle “made” indicates a limit: “until”. So until you die, you (might) dance. But it’s unfair to translate darou as might here; it really just means like, should or will. So you’ll dance until you die...
And in the second part of the sentence, the verb is “catch”, and what you are catching is everything. “Yo” is just for emphasis. “Kono mama” means like, in this state, just as it is. It’s not very clear how to connect these clauses, but I tend to go with...
You’ll dance until you die, catching it all, just as it is.
Sakuretsu suru itami ga kakenukeru dake no kaze naraba...
Vocabulary:
sakuretsu suru = to explode (literally, to do an explosion; “suru” means to do, and there are a lot of “suru” verbs, nouns to which you can attach “suru” to make them into actions)
kakenukeru = pass through/blow through
dake = only
kaze = wind
naraba = (conditional you can attach to nouns)
Syntax: This isn’t a complete sentence, but rather just the antecedent of a conditional. And we’ve even been given a subject marker! Isn’t hide kind? But it’s still a bit of a challenge to sort out what’s the subject of what here. One noun phrase is “the pain that explodes”, and another is “wind that just passes through” (the “no” is needed to attach the relative clause to the noun because the “dake” got in the way). In fact, though it’s a bit hidden, this is really an equating sentence, made into a conditional:
If this exploding pain is just a wind passing through...
Ame nochi hare o matou, hora, kimi no namida o tabechaou.
Vocabulary:
ame nochi hare = a weather term meaning rain and then clear skies (ame = rain, hare = clear, nochi = ??)
matsu = to wait
hora = look! (exclamation)
namida = tears
taberu = to eat
Syntax: We get a new verb form in this sentence, the volitional, formed (for group II verbs of course) by jumping to the –o row and then adding –u. So matsu becomes mato-u. (Remembering that tsu is from the t-column, used instead of tu, which doesn’t exist.) The form expresses...well, volition. Intention. There’s no explicit subject here...but if a speaker is expressing volition, it’s likely his own. So, I’ll wait for the rain-then-clear, and look...
Now we need to dissect the odd “tabechaou” thing at the end of the sentence. Believe it or not, that’s just a contracted form of “tabete-shimaou”. And we already talked about adding shimau to –te forms; in this case, it’s the “completely” version, not the “unfortunately” version. And it’s also in the volitional form. So what’s being completely eaten? Kimi no namida, your tears.
I’ll wait for the rain to clear, and look, I’ll eat up your tears.
Kanashii to iu naraba, sora no aosa sae mo todokanai modokashisa ni kimi wa naku-n darou.
Vocabulary:
iu = to say
sora = sky
aosa = blue-ness (this time – different kanji from before)
sae mo = even
todoku = to touch/reach
modokashii = tantalizing
Syntax: For this we need to know how to say things in Japanese. I mean, how to say how to say things. And for that we need the particle “to”. When you stick the particle “to” after, say, a clause, it becomes something one can say, think, yell, whisper, and so on. So “kanashii to iu” means “to say (you’re) sad”. The subject of sad, of course, needs to be supplied by context. Naraba is a conditional I said could be attached to nouns but it can also be attached to clauses if it feels like it. So the first part is “if you say you’re sad”.
To find out what happens if you say you’re sad, we jump to the end of the sentence: kimi wa (oh now you tell us the topic?) naku-n darou. Naku means to cry, you’ll recall. That “n” is a contraction of “no”, being a nominalizer again. But don’t worry too much about that: nominalizing things and adding copula verbs after them is just something Japanese people do to pass the time. The point is, if you say you’re sad, you will cry. And what of all the middle words?
They are in fact a noun phrase with a big fancy relative clause, and marked with “ni”, I suppose to indicate that it is what will be making you cry. (Really, the particle “ni” can do anything it wants.) The head of the noun phrase is “modokashisa”, nominalized from “modokashii”, tantalizing. So...tantalizingness? I’ve tended to just go with frustration; close enough, right? And what sort of frustration? “Sora no aosa sae mo todokanai” frustration. Well, what does that clause mean? The verb is in a negative form: doesn’t touch. And the first part means “the blue of the sky”. And “sae mo” means “even”. So “doesn’t touch even the blue of the sky.”
Well what doesn’t? The frustration? You? I was bothered by this for a while, and finally settled on...
If you say you’re sad, you’ll cry with the frustration of reaching not even the blue of the sky.
Eh, not great...but I think that’s the idea.
Kimi no chiisa-na karada tsutsunde-ru yume wa itami o nomi-komi, azayaka ni naru.
Vocabulary:
karada = body
tsutsumu = to wrap/envelope
nomi-komu = swallow (made from nomu, to drink, plus komu, which has a lot of random uses...)
azayaka = brilliant/clear
naru = to become
Syntax: We have a topic marker to latch onto, and it follows the noun “yume”, dream. What sort of dream? Well, the first noun phrase is “your small body,” and then the verb “tsutsunde-ru.” This is a contraction of tsutsunde-iru, a progressive form we haven’t seen yet, but works pretty much like English progressive forms: is ~ing. So, our topic is “the dream that is surrounding your small body.”
Well what about it? “Nomi-komi” is in its pre-masu form, which can also be used as a sort of neutral connector of clauses. So it’s swallowing pain, and...the “ni” in the next part marks the destination of the act of becoming, so it means “become brilliant/clear.” But what is doing the becoming? You? The dream? I am unclear. Let’s just say...
The dream that surrounds your small body will swallow the pain and become brilliant.
Te o nobaseba kanjiru, sono itami ryoute de uketomete.
Vocabulary:
te = hand
nobasu = hold out
kanjiru = to feel
ryoute = both hands
Syntax: Back to the –ba conditional, and assuming the subject is “you”: if you hold out your hand, you’ll feel (it). The second part is another imperative, and the particle “de” is making an appearance to mark instrument/means: catch this pain with both hands.
If you hold out your hands, you’ll feel it; catch this pain with both hands.
Itoshisa o, nikushimi o, subete uketomete, sono mama.
Vocabulary:
itoshisa = love (from itoshii)
nikushimi = hate (from nikushii)
Syntax: There are two direct objects listed, and then “subete”, and this time, “uketomete” is in an imperative. Also, compared to the similar line from before, it’s now “sono mama.” I don’t know the exact significance of that.
Love and hate both, catch it all, just as it is.
Subete uketomete, kono sora no shita de, kimi ga warau...
Vocabulary:
shita = under
Syntax: This –te form is a connective rather than an imperative, and this time “de” marks location. So...
Catching it all, under this sky, you laugh...
Kimi no itami ureshisou ni hane o hirogete maiorite kuru.
Hiru no hikari kimi no kizu o daite yasashiku hirogete yuku.
Halleluiah miserable, hoshi no nageki kikeba,
Halleluiah miserable, hon no chiisa-na koto darou.
Say halleluiah.
Yoru no yami ni ochite yukeba wasurete shimau koto na no kamo.
Yureru omoi, tsuka-no-ma no yume, chiisa-na higeki.
Furu hoshi no kazu kazoetara naku no ni aki darou.
Warau tsuki no aosa kizu o nadete tojite yuku.
Stay free my misery, furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no nake ni dakishimete.
Kiss your misery, kareru made odoru darou, subete uketomeru yo, kono mama.
Stay free my misery...
Stay free my misery, sakuretsu suru itami ga kakenukeru dake no kaze naraba,
Stay free my misery, ame nochi hare o matou, hora, kimi no namida o tabechaou.
Kanashii to iu naraba, sora no aosa sae mo
Todokanai modokashisa ni kimi wa naku-n darou.
Kimi no chiisa-na karada tsutsunde-ru yume wa itami o nomi-komi, azayaka ni naru...
Stay free my misery, te o nobaseba kanjiru; sono itami ryoute de uketomete.
Stay free your misery, itoshisa o, nikushimi o, subete uketomete, sono mama.
Stay free my misery...
Stay free my misery, furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no naka ni dakishimete.
Stay free your misery, kareru made odoru darou.
Subete uketomete,
Kono sora no shita de,
Kimi ga warau.
Halleluiah miserable...
That line means, roughtly, “in order to remain myself.” It makes me think of the line from Genkai Haretsu, “Boku no ue de kimi wa kimi ja naku naru,” meaning “on top of me you become not yourself.” I guess hide’s playing with the tension between the power of the self and the power of transcending the self. Or...not. Anyway, you know when suddenly a song you’ve known for a while and not paid much attention to just sort of pops out at you? That happened to me today with Tell Me. I’d always sort of brushed it aside as an aesthetically pleasing but not very compelling song. But listening to it earlier today, it suddenly struck me as really poignant. When I get internet I’ll look up the lyrics that I don’t know.
Oh hide, why will I never get to see you perform? Why did you deny me that? Why will you never write any more songs? What pushed you to it?
Meanwhile, once I get internet I should see who is performing around Japan while I’m here. Having gotten the small sample of Japanese music that I listen to from Lisa, I feel it stereotypes me as a certain genre of person which I’m not. But then, combined with everything else, what does it add up to? The little slices of Japanese popular culture that have crossed my path don’t seem to go together very natural: Yugioh, Fruits Basket, CLANNAD, hide, Malice Mizer, Yoshimoto Banana...I seem to belong to at least four demographics. Everyone’s heard of Yugioh around here, and Banana, but Miura-san hadn’t heard of Malice Mizer; I told her they were sort of Visual Kei and she started giggling, then later when we were flipping through some girly magazine, she found a picture of a guy in creepy white makeup with an odd wig and leather jacket holding a guitar and screaming, and pointed to it and said “Visual Kei desu ne?” and giggled more. I couldn’t entirely deny it. I don’t even know if Malice Mizer is (was) Visual Kei. They did wear odd costumes, there’s no denying that.
Tomorrow I’m going to ask people around the office if they’ve heard of AIR. If they haven’t, I know they’ll get a huge kick out of its being set in Kasumi. ^_^
A Gackt (post MM) song just came up on shuffle. The only one I have, I guess. I would be quite interested to see Gackt in person. He is simultaneously one of the most utterly beautiful people I’ve ever seen, and one of the most insane. But he can sing, that’s for damn sure. I’d be intimidated to go by myself though, and I haven’t gotten a vibe of alternative Japanese rock from anyone I’ve met yet. Ha ha ha, maybe Miura-san will go with me......
Or maybe not.
So when people ask me why I decided to do the JET Program, I say something like “well, I’d been studying Japanese since senior year of high school, both the language and some of the culture, so I really wanted to be here for a while and experience it for real; plus, I wrote my linguistics thesis on second language acquisition and I’m really interested in the process of learning and teaching languages, in fact when I get back to America I’m planning to get a Masters in it and probably teach ESL for a while. How about you?” I think I need to come up with a less intense answer. More often than not the response is something like “Oh...well, I just didn’t really know what to do after college, and going to Japan sounded kinda cool.” Which is a 100% legitimate reason, and I feel like my answer makes me sound too...I dunno, serious. So next time maybe I’ll go for “’Cause Seto Kaiba is so hottttt!!”
......What? He is.
For, you know, a drawing.
If I were you, o hypothetical reader of this blog, I would probably be sort of annoyed at having to wade through so much rather meaningless babble to get to actual anecdotes or substantial musings. Maybe I should put important-ish paragraphs in bold or something. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. From now on, this will be a skimming-friendly blog, with anything I deem actually worthy of your time in bold. Starting with this paragraph, so that you know about it...lol.
Ever free, kono yoru o tsukinukete...Mezamereba, toberu no ka, free ni...?
Did I mention that you should all learn Japanese? To entertain myself, I shall give Japanese lessons in the form of analyzing song lyrics. Some preliminaries:
i) Japanese word order is, generally, SOV.
ii) Japanese verbs end in –ru, -u, -ku, -gu, -su, -tsu, -bu, -mu, and –nu. In general, verb conjugate by changing the last syllable to something else in the same column – something beginning with the same consonant that is – and adding an ending. For example, to negate a verb, change to the –a row and add –nai. So –ku becomes –kanai. The “pre-masu” form of the verb just means change to the –i row. So called because that’s what you do when you want to attach “masu” (polite form) on the end. But that form is also used before various other verb suffices. For (some) verbs ending in –ru, everything I just said is wrong: you don’t change the –ru, but just delete it and add the ending. Such verbs are called “ru verbs” or “group I verbs.” They’re not as much fun as group II verbs. Feel free to look down on them.
iii) Japanese adjectives end in –i. They are predicates. Meaning, they contain within themselves what we English speakers need the word “is” for. Because they’re just that cool. So “ookii” doesn’t mean “big”; it means “is big.” That said, if pressed, these adjectives will allow themselves to be stuck right in front of nouns just like in English, to form a larger noun phrase. In this case, they surrender their predicate powers, and you need some other predicate in the sentence. When functioning as the predicate, adjectives conjugate by changing the –i on the end to something else: -katta for past, -kunai for negation. I’d tell you what past negation is, but it turns out that that “nai” on the end – it’s an i-adjective! And you should know how to make it past. Sometimes people will try to tell you there are “na-adjectives” in Japanese. You should slap those people. But gently, since in fact there are na-adjectives in Japanese. They’re just so different from i-adjectives that it bothers me when people lump them together. In fact, they are most similar to nouns. The only difference is that when they want to stick on the front of a noun to modify it, a magical “na” appears between them and the noun. If it were a normal noun, that “na” would be a “no”. Compare: “kirei-na heya” = “clean room”; “suugaku no heya” = “math room”. Other than that, na-adjectives behave like nouns. So don’t worry about them; they’re boring. Stack them with the group I verbs.
iv) There is a copula verb in Japanese, meaning something that simply equates things. It appears alternately as “da” and “desu”. It either means that two things are the same or that one thing has a certain property. It should not be confused with verbs of existence, also often translated as “is”. There are two of those: iru (animate things), and aru (inanimate things). If you use aru when you should use iru, Japanese people laugh at you.
v) Japanese has particles, many of which can be thought of as case-markers. They come after what they mark. They are scary. But actually, they’re one of the most fun things about Japanese. Here are your basic ones:
wa: marks topic (something already in the discourse about which you are giving information)
ga: marks grammatical subject. Be careful: sometimes something’s a subject in Japanese that’s an object in the English translation. For example, things you understand are grammatical subjects.
o: marks grammatical object. Also, path through or along which movement occurs.
ni: destination, location (of existence), exact time, indirect object, and about twenty other things
de: instrument, location (of action)
made: limit
kara: starting point
That’s enough for now. Let’s plunge in to a song, shall we?
Kimi no itami ureshisou ni hane o hirogete maiorite kuru.
Vocabulary:
kimi = you
itami = pain (nominalized form of the adjective itai)
ureshii = happy
hane = wings
hirogeru = to spread (gr. I)
mai-oriru = swoop down
kuru = come
Syntax: This sentence lacks a topic/subject marker, but in fact the topic is “kimi no itami.” “no” is a possessive, working sort of like ‘s in English, so that NP means “your pain.” Okay, now what’s the main verb? It’s at the end, as it usually is: maiorite kuru. This introduces the –te form, one of the most important forms. You can think of it as a sort of connective form, and occasionally like a gerund. In this case, we have the verb kuru stuck on to the –te form of another verb. This adds a hard-to-translate connotation of movement toward something: the speaker, the present time. Sometimes it works in English to say “came to...” In this case, “comes swooping down” seems to do it. The tense of the verb is carried on the kuru: present. Okay, so your pain comes swooping down. What of all those middle words?
They are in fact two modifying clauses. You may notice the particle ni. Here it is acting to create an adverb: ureshisou-ly, pretty much. Okay, so what’s ureshisou? It comes from the adjective ureshii. Japanese people don’t like to assert, well, pretty much anything. So there are a zillion ways to say that something seems a certain way, but of course you can’t assert that is really is. Replacing the –i with –sou is one such way. It can be used when the evidence on which you’re basing your claim is evidence of your own senses, as opposed to something someone else told you. So what we have here is something that sort of means “happily”...but it’s only apparently happily, really.
Next we have another verb in –te form. “hane o hirogeru” means “to spread [one’s] wings”, and it’s in a connective form, so we might say it as “spreading its wings.”
All together: “Your pain happily spreads its wings and comes swooping down.”
Hiru no hikari kimi no kizu o daite yasashiku hirogete yuku.
Vocabulary:
hiru = noon/daytime
hikari = light
kizu = wound(s)
daku = hug (note: also used to mean “have sex”...but not in this context. Listen to “Kiss Kiss Kiss” on Double Fantasy.)
yasashii = gentle
yuku = to go (alternate pronunciation of iku)
Syntax: First, what’s the topic/subject? It’s the first noun phrase: hiru no hikari, the light of day = daylight. Again, we lack a particle. Tsk tsk hide. Well, particles are often dropped in informal speech. What’s the main verb? It’s “hirogete yuku,” another –te form construction. Now instead of attaching “come”, we’ve attached “go”. Sure enough, it’s a similar meaning, but with movement directed outward. In this case, not physical movement; it implies an action continued into the future. We might say “goes on opening/spreading.” Or we might not have a good way to phrase it in English. But now, hirogeru is a transitive verb; fortunately, there’s an object, complete with object particle o. “Kimi no kizu”, your wounds. So the daylight is opening your wounds.
And the modifiers? We again have an adjective-turned-adverb, and a –te form, but in the other order: “daite” is the –te form of daku, and “yasashiku” is the adjective “yasashii” with the –i replaced by –ku, which is how adverbs are formed from i-adjectives. In this case, I believe that “daite” originated as the predicate of its own clause, but then got switched to –te form to connect it to another clause with the same topic. So instead of using an –ing form, I’d connect the two clauses with “and”:
The daylight hugs your wounds and gently rubs them open.
(More accurately, then, “kimi no kizu” originated as the object of “daku”, and then is carried over into the next clause as well.)
Hoshi no nageki kikeba, hon no chiisa-na koto darou.
Vocabulary:
hoshi = star(s)
nageki = moan
kiku = listen/hear (also ask, but not here)
hon no chiisa-na = really small
koto = thing (abstract)
darou = might/should be
Syntax: Where is the subject? Hidden. Implied. It’s probably “you.” What sort of verbs do we have? We have kiku, and it’s in some weird form. In fact it’s in a conditional form, made by jumping to the –e line (ku --> ke) and adding –ba. So “if you listen.” To what? Well, there’s a noun phrase sitting in front of the verb looking like an object: the moans of the stars. So if you listen to the moans of the stars...
Then what? Hon no chiisa-na koto – a small thing. Darou, the form of the copula verb that expresses a good probability. So I would say, “it’s just a small thing.” What is? Unclear.
I lumped “hon no chiisa-na” together as one vocab item; chiisa-na is a na-adjective version of chiisai, meaning small. I don’t know how to describe the meaning of “hon no” on its own; I think it just sort of emphasizes, but I’m not sure.
If you listen to the moans of the stars, it’s just a small thing.
Yoru no yami ni ochite yukeba wasurete shimau koto na no kamo.
Vocabulary:
yoru = night
yami = darkness
ochiru = fall
wasureru = forget
shimau = [see below]
Syntax: Did you spot the conditional? Here we have yukeba, formed from yuku, which is again attached to the –te form of a verb. Here the English translation is easier, since we do say “go falling”...although in fact I might stick with “fall”. Where are you falling? Well we have a noun phrase marked with “ni”, which you may recall can mark for destination. So you’re falling into the darkness of night. (Contrast to the line that started “hiru no hikari”...ahh hide you are a wonderful lyricist...) So if you fall into the dark of night...
You may see another verb, not at the end of the sentence, but in the present affirmative form: shimau. You may notice I refused to tell you what it means. It’s generally used as a suffix stuck on a –te form, and it adds either a meaning of completion (similar to “up” in a lot of English phrase: eat up, finish up), or a meaning of regret, that whatever happened was too bad. Often found on the back of the verb wasureru, to forget – I guess forgetting is often regrettable. So if you fall into the dark of night, you (unfortunately) forget...forget what?
Now we introduce relative clauses. Relative clauses in Japanese are easy. You have a clause. You want it to modify a noun. What do you wish you could do with it? Just stick it in front of the noun and be done with it? Well you can! It’s that easy. Is this clause stuck in front of a noun? Indeed it is: koto is a perfectly fine (if rather vague) noun. Put it together and we have “something you forget as you fall into the dark of night.”
What of all those random syllables at the end that didn’t even make the vocab list? I won’t try to explain “na no”...suffice it to say that it adds a bit of emphasis. “kamo” is in some sense short of “kamo shirenai”, which means “might” (I’m unclear on the etymology/syntax of that phrase, but it definitely means “might”). So,
It might just be something you forget as you fall into the dark of night.
Yureru omoi, tsuka-no-ma no yume, chiisa-na higeki.
Vocabulary:
yureru = shake, waver
omoi = thought, emotion
tsuka-no-ma = transient (but it’s not acting syntactically as an adjective! you say. I guess it’s sort of a no-adjective...or something.)
yume = dream
higeki = tragedy
Syntax: What syntax? This is just a string of noun phrases. Note the small
relative clause in the first one: a feeling that wavers. A transient dream. A
small tragedy. Adding a bit of alliteration we get...
A wavering feeling, a transient dream, a tiny tragedy.
Furu hoshi no kazu kazoetara, naku no ni aki darou.
Vocabulary:
furu = fall (as in rain, snow, etc.)
kazu = number
kazoeru = to count
naku = to cry
aki = tired of
Syntax: At least this is more like a sentence. Again we have a conditional, but this time it’s a –tara conditional, formed by taking the past tense of the verb and adding –ra. Again, the topic “you” is implied. And we’re missing the object marker o, but nevertheless “the number of the stars that fall” is the object of “if you count.” So if you count the falling stars...
Now we get to see a fun function of “no”, which is nominalizing things. So naku = to cry, naku no = the act of crying. The all-purpose “ni” as, in some sense, the destination of the being-tired-of. Again the “darou” adds a sense of “probably” or
“should be”. But don’t take that too seriously: you’re not supposed to assert anything for sure, remember.
If you count the falling stars, you’ll tire of crying.
Warau tsuki no aosa kizu o nadete tojite yuku.
Vocabulary:
warau = to laugh
tsuki = moon
aosa = paleness (nominalized form of aoi, which depending on what kanji it’s written with can, can mean blue or pale. –sa and –mi are both ways of changing i-adjectives to nouns, and it’s a bit random which adjectives use which.)
naderu = to rub
tojiru = to close
Syntax: You wouldn’t know it, because of the lack of particles, but we have an actual subject in this sentence: “warau tsuki no aosa” = the paleness of the moon that laughs. (Another relative clause.) Kizu, you may remember, means wounds. Now a bunch of verbs strung together with –te forms: nadete, and tojite (okay so only two), and again yuku gives a sense of the action moving forward in time. So whereas the daylight was gently opening your wounds,
The paleness of the laughing moon will rub your wounds closed.
(Note: “present” tense in Japanese often actually implies a sort of future tense – a not-yet-completed action. Also, I changed it from the literal “rubs and closes your wounds” to something more idiomatic to English.)
Furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no naka ni dakishimete.
Vocabulary:
furi-sosogu = to downpour (furu combined with sosogu)
kanashimi = sadness (nominalized from kanashii)
sono = that/those (refers to something related to the listener usually, or to something just mentioned)
ude = arm(s)
naka = inside
daki-shimeru = hold (formed from daku, to hug, and shimeru, to fasten)
Syntax: Let’s look at the main verb first: it’s in the –te form. A main verb? you ask. Yes; it’s an imperative form, another use of the –te form. (But if you want to get into it, it’s not really “another” use...the usage is short for “-te kudasai” where “kudasai” is a different imperative form of a formal verb meaning “give (to me)”. In that phrase, the –te form is in fact functioning as a sort of gerund: “give me ~ing.”) So what are we being ordered to hold? That would be the noun phrase marked with o, which includes a little relative clause: the downpouring sadness. And we’ve also got something marked with ni, which remember can mark location: so the place of this holding is inside those (your) arms.
Hold the downpouring sadness in your arms.
Kareru made odoru darou, subete uketomeru yo, kono mama.
Vocabulary:
kareru = to die
odoru = to dance
subete = everything
uketomeru = to catch
kono = this
mama = (indicates a steady state or situation; see below)
Syntax: We’re back to the implied “you” subject. The particle “made” indicates a limit: “until”. So until you die, you (might) dance. But it’s unfair to translate darou as might here; it really just means like, should or will. So you’ll dance until you die...
And in the second part of the sentence, the verb is “catch”, and what you are catching is everything. “Yo” is just for emphasis. “Kono mama” means like, in this state, just as it is. It’s not very clear how to connect these clauses, but I tend to go with...
You’ll dance until you die, catching it all, just as it is.
Sakuretsu suru itami ga kakenukeru dake no kaze naraba...
Vocabulary:
sakuretsu suru = to explode (literally, to do an explosion; “suru” means to do, and there are a lot of “suru” verbs, nouns to which you can attach “suru” to make them into actions)
kakenukeru = pass through/blow through
dake = only
kaze = wind
naraba = (conditional you can attach to nouns)
Syntax: This isn’t a complete sentence, but rather just the antecedent of a conditional. And we’ve even been given a subject marker! Isn’t hide kind? But it’s still a bit of a challenge to sort out what’s the subject of what here. One noun phrase is “the pain that explodes”, and another is “wind that just passes through” (the “no” is needed to attach the relative clause to the noun because the “dake” got in the way). In fact, though it’s a bit hidden, this is really an equating sentence, made into a conditional:
If this exploding pain is just a wind passing through...
Ame nochi hare o matou, hora, kimi no namida o tabechaou.
Vocabulary:
ame nochi hare = a weather term meaning rain and then clear skies (ame = rain, hare = clear, nochi = ??)
matsu = to wait
hora = look! (exclamation)
namida = tears
taberu = to eat
Syntax: We get a new verb form in this sentence, the volitional, formed (for group II verbs of course) by jumping to the –o row and then adding –u. So matsu becomes mato-u. (Remembering that tsu is from the t-column, used instead of tu, which doesn’t exist.) The form expresses...well, volition. Intention. There’s no explicit subject here...but if a speaker is expressing volition, it’s likely his own. So, I’ll wait for the rain-then-clear, and look...
Now we need to dissect the odd “tabechaou” thing at the end of the sentence. Believe it or not, that’s just a contracted form of “tabete-shimaou”. And we already talked about adding shimau to –te forms; in this case, it’s the “completely” version, not the “unfortunately” version. And it’s also in the volitional form. So what’s being completely eaten? Kimi no namida, your tears.
I’ll wait for the rain to clear, and look, I’ll eat up your tears.
Kanashii to iu naraba, sora no aosa sae mo todokanai modokashisa ni kimi wa naku-n darou.
Vocabulary:
iu = to say
sora = sky
aosa = blue-ness (this time – different kanji from before)
sae mo = even
todoku = to touch/reach
modokashii = tantalizing
Syntax: For this we need to know how to say things in Japanese. I mean, how to say how to say things. And for that we need the particle “to”. When you stick the particle “to” after, say, a clause, it becomes something one can say, think, yell, whisper, and so on. So “kanashii to iu” means “to say (you’re) sad”. The subject of sad, of course, needs to be supplied by context. Naraba is a conditional I said could be attached to nouns but it can also be attached to clauses if it feels like it. So the first part is “if you say you’re sad”.
To find out what happens if you say you’re sad, we jump to the end of the sentence: kimi wa (oh now you tell us the topic?) naku-n darou. Naku means to cry, you’ll recall. That “n” is a contraction of “no”, being a nominalizer again. But don’t worry too much about that: nominalizing things and adding copula verbs after them is just something Japanese people do to pass the time. The point is, if you say you’re sad, you will cry. And what of all the middle words?
They are in fact a noun phrase with a big fancy relative clause, and marked with “ni”, I suppose to indicate that it is what will be making you cry. (Really, the particle “ni” can do anything it wants.) The head of the noun phrase is “modokashisa”, nominalized from “modokashii”, tantalizing. So...tantalizingness? I’ve tended to just go with frustration; close enough, right? And what sort of frustration? “Sora no aosa sae mo todokanai” frustration. Well, what does that clause mean? The verb is in a negative form: doesn’t touch. And the first part means “the blue of the sky”. And “sae mo” means “even”. So “doesn’t touch even the blue of the sky.”
Well what doesn’t? The frustration? You? I was bothered by this for a while, and finally settled on...
If you say you’re sad, you’ll cry with the frustration of reaching not even the blue of the sky.
Eh, not great...but I think that’s the idea.
Kimi no chiisa-na karada tsutsunde-ru yume wa itami o nomi-komi, azayaka ni naru.
Vocabulary:
karada = body
tsutsumu = to wrap/envelope
nomi-komu = swallow (made from nomu, to drink, plus komu, which has a lot of random uses...)
azayaka = brilliant/clear
naru = to become
Syntax: We have a topic marker to latch onto, and it follows the noun “yume”, dream. What sort of dream? Well, the first noun phrase is “your small body,” and then the verb “tsutsunde-ru.” This is a contraction of tsutsunde-iru, a progressive form we haven’t seen yet, but works pretty much like English progressive forms: is ~ing. So, our topic is “the dream that is surrounding your small body.”
Well what about it? “Nomi-komi” is in its pre-masu form, which can also be used as a sort of neutral connector of clauses. So it’s swallowing pain, and...the “ni” in the next part marks the destination of the act of becoming, so it means “become brilliant/clear.” But what is doing the becoming? You? The dream? I am unclear. Let’s just say...
The dream that surrounds your small body will swallow the pain and become brilliant.
Te o nobaseba kanjiru, sono itami ryoute de uketomete.
Vocabulary:
te = hand
nobasu = hold out
kanjiru = to feel
ryoute = both hands
Syntax: Back to the –ba conditional, and assuming the subject is “you”: if you hold out your hand, you’ll feel (it). The second part is another imperative, and the particle “de” is making an appearance to mark instrument/means: catch this pain with both hands.
If you hold out your hands, you’ll feel it; catch this pain with both hands.
Itoshisa o, nikushimi o, subete uketomete, sono mama.
Vocabulary:
itoshisa = love (from itoshii)
nikushimi = hate (from nikushii)
Syntax: There are two direct objects listed, and then “subete”, and this time, “uketomete” is in an imperative. Also, compared to the similar line from before, it’s now “sono mama.” I don’t know the exact significance of that.
Love and hate both, catch it all, just as it is.
Subete uketomete, kono sora no shita de, kimi ga warau...
Vocabulary:
shita = under
Syntax: This –te form is a connective rather than an imperative, and this time “de” marks location. So...
Catching it all, under this sky, you laugh...
Hiru no hikari kimi no kizu o daite yasashiku hirogete yuku.
Halleluiah miserable, hoshi no nageki kikeba,
Halleluiah miserable, hon no chiisa-na koto darou.
Say halleluiah.
Yoru no yami ni ochite yukeba wasurete shimau koto na no kamo.
Yureru omoi, tsuka-no-ma no yume, chiisa-na higeki.
Furu hoshi no kazu kazoetara naku no ni aki darou.
Warau tsuki no aosa kizu o nadete tojite yuku.
Stay free my misery, furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no nake ni dakishimete.
Kiss your misery, kareru made odoru darou, subete uketomeru yo, kono mama.
Stay free my misery...
Stay free my misery, sakuretsu suru itami ga kakenukeru dake no kaze naraba,
Stay free my misery, ame nochi hare o matou, hora, kimi no namida o tabechaou.
Kanashii to iu naraba, sora no aosa sae mo
Todokanai modokashisa ni kimi wa naku-n darou.
Kimi no chiisa-na karada tsutsunde-ru yume wa itami o nomi-komi, azayaka ni naru...
Stay free my misery, te o nobaseba kanjiru; sono itami ryoute de uketomete.
Stay free your misery, itoshisa o, nikushimi o, subete uketomete, sono mama.
Stay free my misery...
Stay free my misery, furi-sosogu kanashimi o sono ude no naka ni dakishimete.
Stay free your misery, kareru made odoru darou.
Subete uketomete,
Kono sora no shita de,
Kimi ga warau.
Halleluiah miserable...
posted by Ashila at 7:28 AM
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